Just One More Time
by zmwester
Summary: Castiel falls and he is traumatized by nightmares. Dean finds a simple way to bring him peace. Everything is perfect, until a rogue hellhound sinks its teeth into one of them. Rated for language. WARNING: Character death.


Title: Just One More Time

Rating: R (for language)

Pairing: Dean/Castiel

Spoilers: 5x10

Disclaimer: They belong to Kripke, no matter how much I wish they belonged to me. Obviously, none of the lyrics used belong to me. They belong to Led Zeppelin and Jimmy Eat World. And no, Metallica, I'm not making any money off the name of your song, so DON'T SUE ME.

Warnings: Character Death, Cursing, Sad boys!

Summary: Castiel falls and he is traumatized by nightmares. Dean finds a simple way to bring him peace. Everything is perfect, until a rogue hellhound sinks its teeth into one of them.

Notes: The lyrics in italics at the end are from the song "Hear You Me" -Jimmy Eat World.

Just One More Time

Castiel had fallen - he was human. The nights were horrific. He was haunted by dreams of lives past, of the days when he was a warrior. He was overcome with the grief of the things he had done in the name of the Lord. The innocent people that he hadn't saved. All of the angels he had killed. Every casualty from the battlefield was eating him alive and he was losing the internal stuggle, it seemed. He would wake from sleep panting, sweating, and screaming in Enochian. It troubled Dean greatly, because he had no idea how to help. Nothing had ever really suppressed his dreams of Hell. He had tried to hide the dreams, feeling weak for being brought to tears by a mere collection of images and sounds that weren't even real. One night, it just became too much. Castiel was sobbing and repeating "God help me" in a tone so desperate that Dean could take no more. Dean did the only thing he could think of to make Castiel feel better - what his mother had done for him when he had bad dreams as a child - he sang to Castiel.

It was like magic. By the second song, Castiel melted into Dean's arms and all the fear on his face was replaced with a smile.

"You sound like an angel, Dean." Cas released a heavy sigh and snuggled up closer to Dean, burying his head in the crook of Dean's neck.

Dean chuckled and stroked Cas' arm while humming "Enter Sandman". Hey, he never claimed to know any lullabies, he just sang what he knew the best.

After that night, Dean sang a few songs to Castiel until he fell asleep every night, and the dreams stopped. Castiel began to gather strength and eventually, he was strong enough, both mentally and physically, to help the Winchesters on a few hunts. Everything was beautiful and perfect. Dean had all the things he loved the most in his life. He should have known that it would all come crashing down around him one day. The Winchesters were cursed. Anyone they loved was destroyed eventually.

# # # # #

The hunt had gone wrong. Terribly wrong. Castiel had been attacked by a hellhound gone rogue. Sam and Dean had been busy taking down the demon, without even realizing she had brought a hellhound with her. After her little mutt attacked Cas, she fled, boasting about how there would be more demons arriving any minute. Castiel was left on the cold concrete of the warehouse, spilling blood and sobbing. Dean had arrived too late to save him. Cas was injured too badly for Dean to even dream of bandaging him. It was like watching Jo die all over again. Except this time, it was his angel, his savior, dying in his arms. He demanded that Sam leave and find the evil bitch, screaming twice that he would not leave Castiel.

"Don't you fucking leave me, Cas. Not you. You're the last, best thing I've got left in this world. Don't you leave me too. I've already lost so much. Not you. God, please, NOT YOU." Dean could barely speak through his sobs as he cradled the broken man in his arms.

"Dean."

Dean's breath escaped him momentarily, tears streaming down his face like waterworks. "Save your breath, Cas. Just hang in there. You'll make it, you fucking have to. I can't fucking do this without you."

"Dean." Castiel was somehow able to muster up the strength to reach for Dean's collar and pull him close, continuing, "Dean, you must leave me here. You cannot stay, it isn't safe. Please go, don't risk anything else for me."

"Don't you dare. Cas. I can't leave you here. What point do I have living without you? I'll die here beside you, before I'll leave you like a coward. I. Will. Not. Leave. You."

"Dean, please don't be foolish. You have so much to contribute to the world. You are a good man, you cannot give up now. You have a world to save! Sing to me, just one more time. Sing the one about the stairway to heaven."

Dean planted a gentle kiss on his angel's forehead and hummed the first few bars. Castiel's body instantly relaxed and he smiled slightly, watching Dean with complete adoration. By the end of the song, Castiel was gone, a smile etched onto his lifeless face. Dean cradled his lover closer and cursed the god that had let it all come to this. Castiel had been so faithful to God and this was what he got in return? Dean was full of fury and pain. He lifted Castiel's lifeless body and carried him to the Impala, where Sam was waiting. Dean didn't even bother mentioning that Sam should have been chasing down the evil bitch who had caused it all. He just looked at his brother and choked out a simple, "You drive."

# # # # #

**One year later. Midnight.** **Dean stands in front of Castiel's grave. **

_If you were with me tonight I'd sing for you just one more time. _

_A song for a heart so big, God wouldn't let it live. _

_So what would you think of me now? _

_So lucky, so strong, so proud. _

_I never said thank you for that._

_Now I'll never have the chance_.

His was the first grave Dean had ever gone through the trouble of buying a headstone for; because Castiel deserved it. He had been a true warrior; he had been loyal and faithful. Dean was never able to bring himself to torch the body. Castiel had been the first of the crew to ever receive a proper, traditional burial. It had cost a pretty penny, but it was worth it. He knelt down and placed a hand on the silly little cherub angel engraved on the headstone, tears streaming down his face. He hummed the first few bars of "Stairway to Heaven" and chuckled a little.

"You remember how you would just melt in my arms when I sang that song to you? How you'd snuggle up to me, like a big sissy and smile the brightest smile anyone's ever seen? I always told you it was bright enough to light up the whole damn world. Told you there was no reason to think I was anything worth saving, but you always argued. I'm sorry I never believed you. I know I'm a day late and dollar short, but I finally get it, Cas. I've got a job to do, and it's hard as hell without you. And I fucking miss you. So fucking much. But I get it now. I get it. There was a bigger picture and it would've been a waste to lay down and die. You gave up everything for me; it would've been the shittiest thing I could've ever done, if I hadn't carried you out of there and saved myself. I don't know where you are, or hell, if you can even hear me. But thank you, Cas. Thank you for having faith in me."

Dean smiled and wiped his tears away. He pressed his forehead to the cool granite headstone and with a shaky voice he finished, "and she's buying a stairway to heaven."


End file.
